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Messages - Bearforlife
« on: February 15, 2018, 09:41:51 AM »
While I'm happy this situation worked out for his daughter, it's problematic. A daughter doesn't "belong" to her father and he doesn't get to decide who "can have" her. It's as if his grown daughter doesn't have agency over herself. Disturbing...and then to suggest to the other grown women on the show that they should only date men their families approve of. As if those grown behind women don't have agency over themselves and need some sort of paternal overseer...I know where you are coming from, but it does not hurt if you consider your relatives input on such a big decision. I know everyone of the guys I did not like my cousins dating were not the best guys for them. I know if my female relatives do not like a woman, I try to see what they see.
Input ie. warning a relative about problematic behavior is one thing. Having the guy followed to determine his worthiness is another (especially if nothing warranted that). I am the the only daughter in my family with two older brothers...I get it. But the bottom line is it's not his choice. My future husband need not ask for permission from my dad. My requirement is that he inform my family that he plans to marry me....that needs to include my mother. I certainly don't need permission to get married.
« on: February 14, 2018, 08:28:20 AM »
While I'm happy this situation worked out for his daughter, it's problematic. A daughter doesn't "belong" to her father and he doesn't get to decide who "can have" her. It's as if his grown daughter doesn't have agency over herself. Disturbing...and then to suggest to the other grown women on the show that they should only date men their families approve of. As if those grown behind women don't have agency over themselves and need some sort of paternal overseer...
« on: February 08, 2018, 08:25:54 AM »
@Cap not just graduate life...that PhD is something different. My grad experience was super enjoyable. But this PhD lol
I said to a professor that I couldn't publish, present at conferences (I'm expected to pay for out of pocket) and work full time. He looked at me and said yes you can and yes you will. I shut up and he went on with class.
This young lady is going to have a rude awakening in life. 1. You never move somewhere without an offer IN WRITING. That way if the person who offered you is terminated or moved you still have something binding to bargain with. 2. PhD's are expensive no matter what. 3. Professors are hazing you. Get it in your mind up front. It is mental. Oftentimes you know just as much or more than they do. Particularly when you've been working 10-15 years in the field you're studying. It doesn't matter. You put your practical knowledge in your papers and tread lightly with professors...egos are high and fragile. 4.Writing an op-ed piece about the school you're attending is not going to win you any friends. Your professors CAN and WILL refuse to be on your committee leaving you ABD forever. This is not a joke.
« on: February 07, 2018, 11:51:40 AM »
What she described is a PhD program. No, you don't make enemies of professors because they have to be on your committee and/or read your comprehensive exam. It's not always collegiality as a standard. Yes, you are paying your dues. Yep, you might have to work full time and pursue the degree full time and STILL produce scholarly work. Yep, you're tire, hungry, sleepy, cranky,etc. Yep, funds are limited ALWAYS.
I'm a full time employee pursuing a PhD at an hbcu. I've experienced everything other than being an international student. And on top of that I live 2 hours away from my school. Welcome to PhD life.
« on: January 29, 2018, 02:20:47 PM »
Read the fine print. Most DNA companies can own and do whatever they wish with your DNA once you submit it to them. So if you're concerned about your biochemical privacy I wouldn't do it.
« on: January 22, 2018, 08:33:10 AM »
Is it hard for a sister like Angela to find a brother to marry?
Why is this even relevant to the post about her hosting news segments?
« on: January 22, 2018, 08:31:04 AM »
It would be nice if the article didn't have a grammar error in the first sentence on the listing for Lemoyne-Owen's president. She is the first WOMAN to be named president not the first WOMEN to be named president.
« on: January 16, 2018, 09:04:28 AM »
My thoughts as a single Christian woman:
1. If churches spent as much time preaching and "preparing" men to be husbands as they do telling single women what they are doing wrong, there would be a lot less single Church people.
2. Being single and a woman is not a disease or condition one needs to be rescued from. It is not some horrible condition that prevents one from enjoying life. Churches need to teach all singles how to enjoy every station of life before moving on to the next.
3. Read the book of Ruth completely. Boaz was older and very wealthy. Boaz gave Ruth (and her mother-in law) EVERYTHING long before they were married. He provided food, shelter, work and protection for Ruth BEFORE they were married and he was considerably older than Ruth. Ruth really had nothing to offer Boaz other than she was hard working and committed to her dead husband's mom. Boaz was a provider without question and most men honestly aren't ready to be that because they would consider a Ruth type a gold digger.
4. While David was considered a man after God's own heart, he was a hoe. He was an adulterer and technically a rapist. Anytime a king wanted a woman, she really had no choice. Especially if he sent her husband off to war knowing he'd be killed JUST so he could "have" her. He was a peeping tom (he spied Bethsheba bathing and did not turn away) and he was prone to other character flaws. Most women really don't want a David.
5. Joseph...lord. Most men ain't a Joseph. Joseph accepted Mary despite her being pregnant prior to them consummating their marriage. He married her anyway and raised a baby he knew wasn't his. Yeah...stand up if you're a Joseph!
6. Again, churches need to prepare ALL potential marriage partners. There are so many women's conferences. If men were being prepared for relationships we could stop spending our money on women's conferences cause it would be a lot less hurt women out here.
I could go on, but you get my point. Being a single woman is not some horrible thing that's an emergency to get out of.
« on: December 11, 2017, 09:43:21 AM »
No, I didn't ever want to be a Disney princess. Really I wanted to be something like Sojourner Truth or Harriet Tubman as a kid. I read the children's version of Nat Turner's biography. I was really more interested in my brother's GI Joes than a princess dress. I wanted to be like my daddy, a civil rights leader and elected official. I was a little different as a little girl.
« on: December 08, 2017, 02:34:34 PM »
Neymar, I acknowledge everyone in the African Diaspora as black whether they consider themselves black or not.
You clearly did not read that I desired a man like my father who is smart, kind, generous, Christian and handsome. I always considered Prince Charming as a concept and not a factual representation of a man. Prince Charming to me was like my daddy not some uber rich fictional man. I have simply always wanted a guy who went to work and came home and we have a dope relationship. Money doesn't insure that.
And quite frankly, I never saw myself represented in a Disney film. So no I wasn't like everyone else in that regard.
« on: December 07, 2017, 03:03:41 PM »
It's very interesting that people who are neither black or women find themselves speaking on what black women find hope in. I'm super happy for Harry and Meghan and I think they make a nice looking couple. But I have never, and I mean never wanted a white British prince or prince of any kind. I always wanted a guy like my dad. Smart, kind, generous, Christian and handsome (gainfully employed is a given requirement).
« on: December 01, 2017, 08:45:44 AM »
I have read Temple of My Familiar, Possessing the Secret of Joy, The Color Purple, and In Search of Our Mothers Gardens. Alice Walker is a masterful author. The Color Purple is an excellent book and the screenplay did it so much justice. It is my absolute favorite piece of literature I have ever read in life (and that's a lot of books).
With that said, this feud with Walker and her daughter is very old. Her daughter became an author and lecturer just as her mother and claims her mom wasn't supportive. She also has a Jewish dad and that created whole heaps of identity crisis for her mom. When the marriage broke up, Walker basically disowned her daughter and left her to her own devices with nannies and sitters while she traveled and lectured across the world and ignored her when she was home. There is real hurt there but her daughter has to know it won't ever get resolved.
« on: November 27, 2017, 02:09:38 PM »
Meghan is about as dark as I am and both of my parents are black. You best believe she experiences the world as a black woman or woman of color (including all the colorisms that go along with it). But I agree with you on the point that her ascension to princess does nothing for the Diaspora.
Soror J, Harry has definitely always bucked the Royal norms. She's something if he's put a ring on it. So no downplaying that. I'm happy for them but I'm not jumping up and down thinking she's gonna be Shirley Chisholm in Buckingham Palace lol
« on: November 27, 2017, 10:19:02 AM »
While I'm totally here for this news and I really like Harry's public persona; this is no more a symbol that "we've made it" than Beyonce being the highest paid woman in music. She is the exception and not the rule. She's put up with a ridiculous amount of scrutiny because she's both biracial and a divorcee and a commoner. She's put up with a lot and she must really love Harry to quit her job, move and agree to abide by the Royal etiquette and protocols.
She is certainly beautiful and classy but her ascension to Princess has nothing to do with the everyday existence or perception of persons in the African Diaspora.
« on: November 13, 2017, 03:17:44 PM »
This is a foolish question. The President is the chief fundraiser. Every trip isn't going to immediately bring a big check but if you're not AT the table, you're on the menu. They should be traveling, building relationships and friends. At HBCUs, Presidents too often get bogged down in the minutia of everyday operations like admitting students and financial aid. Ultimately, yes that is part of their responsibility but their biggest function is fundraising!